Indian
Hinglish!
I talk, he talk, Why do you middle
middle talk?
"Hey, u guys, please keep quiet. The
president is rotating outside"
"Donot smoke and spoil the botany of ur
body"
"Open the windows, open the windows, let
the climate come in "
"Why are you naat filupping the blanks ?
"
"Don't talk like that in front of my
back "
Teacher to student, open the windows &
let the air force in.
Advice to father thinking about whether
he should let his daughter continue her
studies or get her married : "Well, if
you wantu study her, then study her. If
you wantu marry her, then marry her ."
Prof to students hanging around the
corridors during exams :
"Do not revolve in the corridors in
front of the examinations "
Smile
A doctor said to his car mechanic, "Your
rate is several times more per hour then
we get paid for medical care."
"Yeah, but you see, doc, you have always
the same model, it hasn't changed since
Adam but we have to keep up to date with
new models coming every year!"
Witty
Husband
A
Sardarji, very proud of his humour used
to say to his wife leaving for the
office : 'Good bye Char Bacchon ki Maa'
. One day his wife fed up of this
answered : ' Bye Bye, Doo Bacchon Ke
Baap'. That ended the husband's
witticisms.
Sweater
Mrs Kartar had bought a beautiful
sweater for her husband . She sent it to
her husband by parcel post along with a
note. The note said : ' The buttons of
the sweater are removed since they where
too heavy and added to the postage . You
will find them in the right hand pocket
of the sweater
Waiter
Banta
Singh went to eat in ramshackle hotel.
To his surprise the waiter who came to
serve him happened to be one of his
classmate at school. Banta called him
and said 'Aren't you ashamed of working
in a seedy joint like this?' 'Not at
all,' replied the classmate. 'I would be
ashamed if I ate my meal here. I only
work in this place.'
Beta
'Take me
to the 10th floor,' said Banta Singh as
he entered the lift of a high rise
building. When the lift reached its
destination, the liftman opened its
gates and said, 'The 10th floor, beta.'
'Why did you call me beta?' demanded
Banta Singh. 'I am not your son.' 'I
called you beta because I brought you
up,' replied the liftman.
Ticket
Collector
The
collector asked Banta Singh for his rail
ticket. Banta Singh searched his pockets
but could not find it. 'Never mind,'
reassured the collector, ' I will take
your word that you bought your ticket.'
'That is very kind of you,' replied
Banta Singh, 'but if I don't find it, I
want to know where to get off.'
Closed
"Open Glass"
Santa
Singh : 'Look Banta, what type of
glasses they have made. The top is
closed. How can you fill lassi in it ?'
Banta Singh : 'Yes, that's funny. And
even if you make a hole at the top, how
will the lassi stay in the glass when
the bottom is open?'
Answer in
"Brief"
Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for
his University final examination. He
takes his seat in the examination hall,
stares at the question paper for five
minutes, and then in a fit of
inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then
removes his turban and throws it away as
well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch
follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed,
approaches him and asks what is going
on. "Oye, I am only following the
instructions yaar," he says, " it says
here, 'Answer the following questions in
brief'."
A Police
Story
Three
police squads , The Scotland Yard police
, The NY Police and the Punjab Sardar
brigade contest for the best police
force ward . The judges lead them to the
Gir forest of India and assign them the
mission . He who captures an adult Lion
and brings it back alive in the fastest
time will be adjudged the best . First
Scotland yard goes into the forest and
comes back in half an hour with a Lion
all tied up . Then the NY police go in
and come back in 15 minutes with a tied
up lion. Lastly the sardar brigade goes
in . 15 minutes , half an hour , one
hour goes and no sign of our saradrjis
The judges give up and decide to search
for them . They go into the forest .
After some searching , they find the
sardarjis all excitedly yelling near a
tree . The sardarjis have tied up a big
bear to a tree and one of them is
shouting , "Bol tu sher Hai ! Saala Bol
! tu Sher Hai !! " (Admit that you are a
lion! You are a lion).
Twin
Brothers
Once,
in a village in Kerala, there lived two
identical brothers. They looked very
much alike in every respect and the
villagers often had trouble
distinguishing between them.
Unfortunately, one of them died.
Sankaran Kutti, our hero, decided to
visit the grief-stricken family and
console them. Now, there was a problem.
Sankaran was not sure which of the
brothers had died. Our ever-resourceful
hero solved the problem ingeniously. He
walked upto the surviving sibling and
asked amidst tears - "Is it you who is
dead or is it your Brother ?"
25 Paise
inside the closet
One man
find he lost 25 paise after coming from
the Latrine , finds it inside the closet
he dropped 50Rs inside the closet
Do you know for what: Why do he insert
his hand inside the closet just for 25
paise and why don't if it is 50Rs +
25paise
James Bond
James bond sings the song "dead ant,
dead ant, dead ant " when he finds a
dead ant. Do you know what he would sing
if he finds a "Live Ant" ? "Live ant
live ant" is your answer. Sorry he just
kill the ant and sing "Dead ant, Dead
ant, Dead ant "
India Pak
War in Kargil
India Pak
war in Kargil India wins how? Indian
soldiers and Pak soldiers are hiding
inside bush on the sides of point 10
hills The Indian commander loudly called
Salim and on the other side "Mr.Salim" a
pak soldier just stand up and Indian
forces shot him to death again the
commander called "Mr.Musthak" another
pak soldier stand up on the other side
he was shot down then commanded called "Mr.Waasim",
another pak soldier stand up and he too
is shot down. But the Pak soldiers
strike the Indian's idea and the began
to shout the name they called "Mr.Ram"
first but no one in Indian's side stand
up pak soldieds bit confused again they
called "Mr.Siva" No one in Indian side
responded they are now more confused.
But this time Indian loudly said "who
called Mr.Ram". On Pak side the soldier
who called Mr.Ram just stand up he is
shot down again Indian commander loudly
said who called Mr.Siva. The soldier who
called Mr.Siav just stand up and he too
shot down and Indian soldiers easily
conquered point 10
Train
Tragedy
There was
a train crash train de railed and a
number of people were died. Sardar Banta
was the driver. He has been asked by the
equerry committee how the train
de-railed Banta replied " I find a man
on the rail and the incident happened" .
"Why don't you roll over the man and
avoid the big tragedy"? asked the
committee. Bata said "I too had the plan
to kill him but at the last moment he
gave up his decision and moved away from
the rail and to kill him I too divert my
path from the rail".
Over
Confidence
One man
jumped from the 6th floor of a building
didn't die why?
Confidence
But he jumped from the 7th floor and die
why?
Overconfidence.
Hand Jammed
Sardar Garbhajan singh was working in a
lathe and one of his hand jammed inside
the cog. He was been hospitalized. The
doctors and nurses said oh! Good luck
the left hand is jammed not the right
Garbhajan replied "First the right hand
jammed but I taken it out from the cog
and put my left hand"
Jayan Lost
Pallu
Mr.Jayan
Old hero of malayalam film had a fight
with the villain lost one of his teeth
then he sings a song you know which
song?
"Jenu eku pal nahim aur koi hal nahim"
Washing
Machine
One
airplane had took off after some the
alarm which shows the overweight started
to beep. The crew find out that it is
washing machine, the crew requested the
owner to drop the machine out otherwise
the plane will crash. But the owner is
not willing, he has got some sentimental
value. Now what they do? You just think
to find out a solution during this time
here is another one.
One husband brings a saree for his
"loving" wife. Instead of saying a
thanks she just pick up a knife and
shouting "You idiot bring a saree! It is
very cheap not like the one of my
nibhour I will kill you today" Poor
husband he ran fast to save his life to
the top of the house. Here at the
courtyard the wife is shouting "come
down I will kill you". Suddenly some
noise and a crying sound. Our poor
husband died at the spot.
Do You know what happened?? No!!
That washing machine just fall on his
head.
Lion
Hunting
Sardar
Garbhajan Singh went for hunting in a
thick forest. He did not even find an
animal. He is in his jeep. All of sudden
one Lion jumped from a bush. Sardar
frightened forgot to shoot, start the
jeep and accelerate it fast to save
himself. But the Lion is just behind him
full speed. Ahead a junction the road
divides and goes to two sides, Garbajen
looked through the mirror the lion is
just behind. He has an idea and saved
his life. Do you know what he did?? He
flashed the left indicator of the jeep
on approaching the junction and turn to
right.
Three Indian Womens
Three Indian women died and were brought
before the Great Spirit for judgment.
The Great Spirit said,"I will let you
into paradise if the beliefs you lived
by were proper.
Tell me what you believed when you were
alive. "The Lakota woman said, "I have
always believed in the Grandfathers and
the Generations, and that
is how I lived my life." "Fine," said
The Great Spirit. "You may enter
paradise and sit on my left.
What did you believe?" he asked of the
Arapaho woman "I have always believed in
Goodness, and I have tried to live my
life in a good way." "Fine!
You may also enter paradise and sit on
my right."
Then he turned to the third woman, a
Navajo. "And what do you believe?" The
Navajo woman said, "I believe you're
sitting in my chair!"
Winding the Watch
This cowboy was walking in the woods one
day and he comes to a clearing. There on
a blanket was a naked Indian with an
erection. "What are you doing?" the
cowboy asks.
The Indian answers, "Me tell time."
The cowboy says, "Ok. If you are so
good, what time is it?"
The Indian looks down at his penis and
the shadow it made and said, "It 2
o'clock."
The cowboy looks at his watch and says,
"By Golly, you are right!"
The cowboy starts walking again and
comes upon another naked Indian laying
on a blanket.
"Don't tell me....you're telling time
also?"
Indian looks up at him and says, "Yes,
me telling time."
The cowboy says, "Okay smartass, what
time is it?"
The Indian looks up at the sun and down
at his penis and says, "It 4 o'clock."
The cowboy is amazed at the Indians, so
he keeps walking.
A few hours later he comes upon an
Indian on a blanket, masturbating.
"Don't tell me you are telling time!!??"
The Indian looks up at him and says,
"No, me winding watch!!"
Windows 98 a virus!!
Windows 98 is NOT a virus!
Viruses are small and efficient
Bill Got a Screen Saver
Bill Gates dies. Goes to St. Peter. St.
Peter says, "we don't know where to send
you. You've been both good and bad. So,
we decided to let you decide between
heaven and hell." Gates says, "can I
preview them first?" St. Peter allows a
preview, and off they go to hell. In
hell, they are on a beach with lots of
bikini clad women. Gates likes this.
Then off to heaven. There, the angels
are lying on clouds playing thier harps.
Gates tells St. Peter, "This is nice,
but a little dull. I liked hell better.
Can I go to hell?" St. Peter agrees and
sends him back down to hell. Three weeks
later, St. Peter decides to go check on
Gates. When he arrives in hell, there is
Bill Gates tied to a stake, surrounded
by fire, and being wiped and beaten by
angry people. Gates yells to St. Peter,
"Help me. Help me. Where are the bikini
clad women?
This is not what I wanted." St. Peter
replies, "Oh, that was the screen
saver."
What Bill Gates about General Motors
Bill Gates and the president of General
Motors were attending a Q and A session
during a business conference. Gates
boasted of the innovations his company
had made. "If GM had kept up with
technology the way Microsoft has," gates
bragged, "we'd all
be driving $25 cars that get 1000 miles
per gallon.""I suppose that's true," the
GM executive agreed."But would you
really want your car to crash twice a
day?"
Funny Printer Error Message from Win
2000
Microsoft is trying to add some humor to
its error messages in
Windows 2000 and up. Here are a couple
of examples:
Printer not responding; Got a pen and
paper handy?
Three things are certain in life: Death,
Taxes, and Data loss. Guess which has
occured.
Great Warning from Intel
The world's most widely seen warning
label: "Intel Inside"
Windoze 95/98 Tech Support response:
"It's not a bug, it's a feature."
Difference between women and computer
Q. What is the difference between a
computer and a woman?
A. A woman won't accept a 3 1/5 inch
floppy.
Is PC a Feminine
Top Five Reasons Why Computers Must Be
Female
5. No one but their creator understands
their internal logic.
4. Even your smallest mistakes are
immediately committed to memory for
future reference.
3. The native language used to
communicate with other computers is
incomprehensible to everyone else.
2. The message, "Bad command or
filename" , is about as informative as
"If you
don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm
certainly not going to tell you."
1. As soon as you make a commitment to
one, you find yourself spending half
your paycheck on accessories for it.
One Keboard Error Found when windows 98
running
keyboard error: no keyboard
press any key to continue
Three Wishes
Three guys, a scotsman, an englishman,
and an irishman are in prison.
They find a magic lamp and rub it.
A genie appears and grants them a wish
each.
The Scotsman wishes to be at home with
his girlfriend.
The englishman wishes to be at home with
his mother.
Once they are away, the irishman says:
"I wonder what I should wish for, I wish
my friends were here to help me make my
choice"...
Way to Disneyland
Three stupid people were in a car on
their way to Disneyland.They saw a sign
saying 'Disneyland left',so they all
went home.
A Mainer Story
There is a texan, a mainer and a a guy
from Masschusets sitting at a table in a
bar. The texan guzzles down a beer and
then throws the bottle into the air and
shoots it with his pistole. He says "I'm
from Texas, we shoot beer bottles flyin'
in the sky." Then the Mass man (who was
a complte show-off), throws a full
bottle of beer up and then shoots it and
lets all the beer fall into his mouth.
He says "I am a Mass man, not a mainer,
I drink beer in the sky, how's that?!"
Now the mainer (who is completley
furious), throws up a bottle of beer,
catches it, then pulls out his gun and
shoots the mass man and says, "I am a
pure mainer, we recycle these beer
bottles, and kill all the Massholes!" |
